chemically-influenced free associations

I should be posting - take solid advantage of this flipped-out Ambien-induced pre-sleep state I'm in. But I have no guarantees of what will come from my fingertippies. Each night I take a bitter pill to get me off to dreamland and I'm testing the boundaries of how long I can stay lucid post-imbibement. It's getting pretty difficult to focus my eyes and my words feel slurry and I wish I could buy a slurpy. My favorite flavor is blue-raspberry because raspberries aren't actually blue. I am blue, only because of recent life events. I will turn yellow or pink or purple again soon. But for now, blue will have to do. There is an up to this down. And it's only being in the down that allows us to fully appreciate the up. Fuck this philosophical bullhooey. I want the hell out of this dispair I'm in. I want to wake tomorrow finding rays of light pouring into my window and on a mound of cottage cheese pancakes with lemon curd dressing sitting beside a round cup of coffee with cream. I want to embrace those simplicities for all the joys they bring, making life worth living. But when will I find joy in that cup of coffee again?