One day sometime in the fall of 2000 - when life was really fucking shitty because of one illness or another - I woke up at 1:30 in the afternoon to a courtesy call from a magazine purveyor promising 5 subscriptions and a free "diamond" watch for a mere $350. As the salesperson (likely an incarcerated 20-something somewhere in Nevada) droned on, I wanted so badly to be done with the call that I actually agreed to the terms and conditions and offered up my credit card number. Days later I received the aforementioned watch and immediately found myself completing massive amounts of paperwork to get the hell out of that deal. Letters were sent, receipts were xeroxed, and stories were told. But despite my desperate exit from the magazine deal from hell - I was never asked to return the free diamond watch. It was really fucking ugly, but it was free. I won.
I find myself recalling this tale after clicking on an offer that found its way into my Calmail inbox: A free Canon Digital Camera worth $899 just for signing up for 2 other "deals". This time, I stopped myself short of disaster.
My friends, the lesson here is this: Few things in life are free and anything that is free is really fucking ugly (with the possible exception of furniture found on the street).
Sunday, August 01, 2004
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4 comments:
I love this story, and never tire of it. I love the way you say "Diamond" when you tell the story in person.
My dear Gabe,
Love is never free. Will you ever learn?
J.Po
I won't comment on love, but I'll comment on "free" furniture.
J.Po found a chair outside my place yesterday morning. Its rattan seat is weathered and fraying. Otherwise it's a very sturdy wooden chair. I would never buy it in its current condition, however it has been deemed worthy of my room -- a room full of other found furniture.
One of the found tables I have yet to even dust off. I rescued it on the other side of town right before going on a date with a stripper. J. Po said it's very significant that I haven't dusted off this particular table yet. I think she's right. Meanwhile, J. Po's weathered chair is occupying the front of my room.
Someday I may dust off the table. Someday I may toss it to the street.
The chair's seat could be fixed, or someday I may put it back on the sidewalk.
For now, they belong in my room.They were free, right? So there's no risk.
(Again, this entire comment was about "free" furniture.)
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