cheezy

Last weeked I had a dream in which I feared getting a PhD because I would have to pass the "Cheese Exam" (a bit more detail in comments on Sophist's blog 'colorful dream'). Ever since then, my diet has consisted mostly of cheese. Like, I'm SERIOUSLY CRAVING CHEESE - from high-end French Brie to white-trash Cheetos. What's the deal? I sure hope this ends before the water in my cells is replaced with CheezWiz. Yikes.

Yay for UC

Yesterday, University of California Regents voted to devest in 9 companies with ties to the Sudanese government.

Forcast

The weather today in my head:
dense congestion on the left side, particularly behind the eye socket and drippy snot out of the right nostral with occassional green coloring.

Too much information?

13

I hate the proposition system as a means of carrying out democracy. It's flawed flawed flawed for many many reasons that I won't go into, since there are plenty of political scientists and aspiring political scientists out there who can do a far better job of explaining. Since I think the system is so terrible, I've decided to stop giving my signature to get propositions on the ballot. I used to go ahead and sign since I figured that anything should be able to go up for a vote. Then I reconsidered after thinking about the dreadful impacts of Proposition 13 and that lame-ass proposition in 1999 (or so) when the citizens of the state of California outlawed the consumption of horse meat. COME ON!

So other than a proposition to end all propositions (Spice's plan circa 1998, although probably not allowed due to some line in some constitution somewhere), the only way I can think to stop this lame-ass approach to decision-making is to stop potential propositions from ever getting on the ballot. Wouldn't we then conclude that the system isn't working for us anymore and put the decision-making back in the hands of our representatives?

So I no longer sign the petitions. And I was feeling all fine about this until discourse with a signature collector today that went something like this:

collector: Could you please take a moment to sign the proposition petition? It will only take a second...

J.Po: I'm sorry. I really don't like the proposition system.

collector: I don't either, but I have to live.

Good point, collector (who gets paid per valid signature). So the question is: do I support the individual or do I hold strong in defiance of a crappy system?

Swaptastic

After a quickie call from Spice in the late afternoon yesterday, I was pumped to watch last night's Wife Swap - which promised the swappage of a hip African American wife with a (get this) SCA wife. For those of you who didn't go to Our Alma Matter and/or who are not in the computer sciences, SCA stands for Society for Creative Anacronysm which basically translates as "society of people who think they live in an different century". Very very sadly, I came down with a bugger of a cold (enough for me to cancel din-din with Sophist) and fell asleep long before Wife Swap aired. So I am commissioning Spice to give us a run-down on the WS happenings.

Thanks in advance, Spice.

And as an aside, I suggest that y'all check out the This American Life episode entitled "Simulated Worlds" on the Our Favorites list at www.thislife.org. Very very good. Although if you've known me for more than 10 minutes, you've probably heard this shpeal already.

Global Cooling

Just a few weeks ago, I was fearing global warming like never before. I found myself, in the middle of February, wearing sandals, shorts, and sun screen. And then this past weekend happened. As eluded to by J.Bro, it actually SNOWED in parts of San Francisco. Granted, it was the high parts (T.Peaks). But that's just wrong wrong wrong. The local news got all excited - much like the Cleveland news gets pumped about 12 inches of snowfall overnight. The SF anchorpeople were actually begging listeners to SEND IN their own CAMERA PHONE PHOTOS to prove to the viewing audience that people were sledding on hail in the Outer Sunset. I find it extremely amusing that Californians are so easily wowed by white things falling from the sky. I was far less amused when I woke early Sunday morning (~2am???) to loud tip-taps on my window from icy hail and the rush of a waterfall-esque sheets of rain. I rose to look out the window and find my neighbors jumping with glee in the icy wetness. Jiggity was fast asleep, reporting the next morning that he woke for about 30 seconds and thought to himself that this was the sort of weather-induced noise that might keep him awake for a hours. Not so. He's Alaskan after all.

As a sort of contest with myself last night, I sat down to an episode of Flavor of Love (or is that Flava of Love??) and tried to get through the hour without changing the channel. I was highly successful! But dude. That show is bad bad bad. And I don't think I've ever seen so many clocks. It was so bad that I was giddy with laughter for hours afterward. Now I sortof want to be on the next edition, since the "love" he finds on this version is likely to last all of 5 minutes. If I get on the show, I'm going to request that my nickname be "Hotsy Totsy".

I was going to blog about the Oscars, but it's already 2 days old and most of you have said most of what I was going to say (with emphasis on Will Ferrel and Steve Carell = funny).

So INSTEAD (dun, dun, dah!), I ask of you this:

What ever happened to the other bosom buddy? (Spice?)

If the Problem Doesn't Exist, They Don't have to Address It

The President's budget is calling to eliminate the Survey of Income and Program Participation (SIPP) - an indispensable source of Census Bureau data about poverty, income and program participation. Great.

Catholic Guilt

Every hour or so I'm reminded of what a terrible terrible thing the Catholic Church can be. Never mind issues around birth control and the patriarchal hierarchy. What really gets me is the GUILT response imbedded in my brain after years of reprogramming.

Take my situation this morning. I got to work cold and wet after a dash in the rain sans umbrell. I was looking forward to one thing - a coffee to warm my chilly bones. Lucky for me, there's a *bucks next door. I usually bring my own mug, mostly to soothe my guilt around unnecessary waste with the side benefit of 10 cents off each purchase (whatever). Every other time I've gone to *bucks with my own mug for a coffee fill-up I've been charged $1.35. So I brought with me a total sum of $1.50. This time, it rang up $1.55 because, apparently, my mug is deceivingly large - the size of a grande instead of a tall. (Here I need to state my frustration with *bucks using their own sizing system. What's wrong with the old standard 'small, medium, large'???). I said I only had $1.50 with me because I was charged $1.35 last time. The cashier told me that was fine and accepted what I had to offer. Despite (1) having been charged less every other time and (2) receiving confirmation that my under-payment was acceptable, I still feel GUILTY!

WHY?!?!?!?

Zoinks!

D'oh! Spice announced in the comments on Grrr's blog that I'm blogging again. So I better blog.

Status report on new job: I'm at the end of my 4th day. I'm currently sitting in my OFFICE where my computer faces AWAY from the hallway pretending to do statistics but actually BLOGGING. I should clarify. There aren't any statistics to do yet. So it sounds like I'm getting away with something. But really, I'm filling the 20 minutes before I feel okay about leaving.

Anyhoo, here's my first-four-days impression of my future here:
- I'm going to have to learn a hell-o-alot about writing scripts to manipulate databases.
- I think I will actually be appreciated for my skills, which largely lie outside those of the people in this particular office. This environment works for me (rather than one where we all do the same thing).
- Free pasteries are provided every morning by the neighboring *-bucks. I need to constantly remind myself of the 'one-pastery-per-week' rule.
- I like having my own office. I've rearranged my pencils and post-its 5 times in the last hour.
- My supervisor is very kind and straightforward. I like direct communication.
- It's really nice to work at a place that has very good human resources contacts.
- I think I should start a retirement fund.

I'm Back!

Dudes. Finally. I'm posting after a 3 week hiatus. I, once again, have regular internet access given my new 8-to-5 job. Yes. I have to be at the office at 8am. This means wake-up time of 6:15. Eesh.

There is much to report about the recent travels to the M.W. Notably, there are pics to share too. Spice and I will be doing some sort of e-mail volley of a story. It will likely be the best spelling you'll ever get out of me. For now, I will tantilize you with a lovely picture of the result of me sending one of Spice's gloves through the dryer. Note: she lent me the gloves about 2 years ago during a trip to D.C. and, after the extreme shrinkage, I tried to buy replacements with no luck. Perhaps I'll knit a pair as soon as I learn how to use 2-ended needles.

YAR!

I think I just got a job offer - or at least a statement that one will be coming in the near future. (Business with HR ... you know ...) YAY! Plus, my future supervisor expressed the importance of taking a week or two or three between jobs for some down time. What this says to me: "I understand the importance of the work-life balance." Good sign

Sometimes Things Work Out!

YAY! I have the perfect-case-scenario job hunting situation right now. Over the last week, my interest in the "old" #1 job option has fallen behind my current interest in the "old" job #2 option. But the #1 job is in a program of high prestige, so I didn't want to have to turn down an offer out of fear of ruining my future. So the great part of the story is that job #1 had an internal candidate they decided to hire, as I sensed after my interview when the director asked a colleague about openings in his group on our way out the door. I got a personal call with that "bad" news this morning - with the added information that they would love me to work for them in the future and that they will send my resume on to others in their division....and that they'll contact me if anything opens up in their group in months to come. At the same time, job #2 is aggressively following up with my references and it looks like I may get an offer soon. Which I will take - and which I may have the opportunity to leave if it doesn't work out and if job #1 has openings. And dude, I'll have my own office.

Taking Off Before Settling In

If I have 2 weeks off between my jobs (presuming I get the one I want, which is looking more and more positive ... and the one I want is now the one that was runner up before*), where should I go and what should I do?

Here are some options:
- Madison (my favorite winter between-job retreat, last winter visit - Jan 2002)
- Las Vegas (not my favorite option, but flights are probably reasonable)
- Yosemite Valley, which is lovely with a light dusting of snow
- The local mall (bargain shopping could be a great way to celebrate)
- Hawaii (including a visit to whale girl)
- Washington D.C. (home of my sister and the lovely TOWWAS)
- Paris (cold, but it's not tourist season and the baguettes are tasty year-round)
- My apartment (honestly, I have some sewing projects I want to make some serious progress on)

Any others? Where would you go given limited time and a relatively small budget?

* Dude, I'd have my own office with a door that closes. Unbelievable. Plus, I'd get some exposure to research -> policy change.

cortosol

Dudes,

I've been in recovery mode ever since the day'o'interviews. Like, it's taken until this afternoon for the stress hormones to drain out of my tissues. I'd forgotten how difficult interviewing can be. ...especially the part where you have no idea what sort of questions they'll ask. Neither of the 2 interviews this week asked for "strengths" and "weaknesses" and I was prepared with the perfect answer for weakness (spelling ... 'cause it's true and it's not such a bad thing since the advent of spellcheck). Oh well. I have a third chance Tuesday, when I have a secondary interview for the less-desirable (though still interesting) but more get-able job.

If I conducted an interview, I'd ask stuff like: What's your favorite type of candy? Have you ever seen a boy-band in concert and, if yes, which one(s)? If you were a city, which would you be and why? Okay, as an excercise, why don't YOU answer these questions! Thanks in advance for you participation.

Me:
(1) Twizzlers (cherry nibs), followed closely by Redvines black licorice
(2) Yes: New Kids on the Block - August and November '89. (I feel no shame.)
(3) Seattle - cause I like being cool but not acting like I think I'm cool...plus, I'm pretty laid back with periods of stormy/rainy weather.

Day o' Interviews

Yikes. I'm exhausted. One interview down, one to go. I'm pumped about the work of group #1. I think it's unlikely they will offer me a job, however. I didn't prepare for #2, but I feel I will do better since I am not prepared. Or not.

J.Po's Golden Globes Brief Review

- Johnny Depp looked hot, as usual
- Best Actress and Best Actor (drama) went to the right people
- Gwyneth and her bump looked lovely in all white
- Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew Broderick are the CUTEST COUPLE EVER
- There were a lot of Sutherland's at the party
- Chris Rock is funny
- Steve Carell - also funny, in a white sort of way
- Alanis Morrisette was slighted again

Oooooooooohhhhhh ....... it's Friday the 13th.

Waking up

It's one week since I started antibiotics for my aching tooth. I feel great and, without constantly popping pain medication, I'm beginning to recall some things that happened over the holidays. Like ... I think TOWWAS called me about some public health-related info. I totally missed that. Also, it's totally possible that she never called. Perhaps it was a dream. Maybe I'll check my saved messages. Sorry, TOWWAS, if I never got back to you. D'oh! (Note to self: never get addicted to mind-altering drugs.)

YAY!-squared

People. Today is a very very good day. I just got another interview - to take place in the afternoon on the same day as the first interview. This one is for a position coordinating all data and helping plan studies for several psychiatric/behavioral programs for the under-served. Very very exciting.

YAY!

I got an interview for a job I'm really really really pumped about! Next week - one week from today. Time for me to start studying up on geographic distribution of exposure and disease and the role of community groups in advocating for their health. Dudes. This job seems to be the perfect confluence of rigorous science and community education and action.

Spice Needs Help

Somebody help Spice burn me some CDs. I desperately want her 'Best of 2005' and 'Illinois'. I am happy to return the favor, with some of my lesser-known faves. Thanks in advance.

Album Obsession

I am OBSESSED with "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning." I am now at the point in the repeat-listening process when I should be able to chose a favorite track. (In a comment on a previous post about said album, Ole indicated a newfound love of 'Road to Joy' - possibly replacing 'Land-Locked Blues' as his fave.) In my exhaustive attempts at selecting a personal #1, I have been unable to get lower than n=5. Here's where I stand:

Lua
First Day of My Life
Another Travelin' Song
Land-Locked Blues
Road to Joy

Help!!!!!!

Is the entire world blogging at this point? Some stranger has already taken Spice's old (#2) address. .....someone with a far less interesting blog than Spice. I continue to mourn her absence. Alas.

Flakey Wonderfulness

It's gonna be a rough week. I spent my one-pastry-per-week ticket yesterday and I have 5 days to go. Not only that, but I wasted it on some health-smealthy low-fat vegan "scone" from Whole Foods. What was I thinking?

I may have to ditch this resolution. It's cramping my style.

Finding-A-Job'O'Meter, January 8

T - (23 Days) until no more automatically-depositing paychecks.

So where's my level of anxiety on the Finding-A-Job'O'Meter?

Calm. Quite calm, really. Disturbingly calm. Turning down that job at that place made me feel like I am employable...and that I can hold out for a while for the right fit.

Holidaze

Since I'm sure you're DYING to hear about my Christmas/New Year's holidaze, here's a summary:

12/21 - I had a tooth pulled. It didn't come out as easy as hoped, so the dentist employed his tooth saw to grind it to a pulp - or so it seemed. I expected to have some minimal discomfort and be back on my feet in a day, 2 tops.

12/21 - 1 hour post surgery - I RAN to the drug store to fill ye ol' Vicodin prescription. As it turns out, getting a dental extraction hurts like a mother. I spent the following 24 hours in a complete daze. Despite this, I managed to take a train to Mountainview to see Jiggity and exchange presents. I got good loot. He did too.

12/22 - I was asked to send references to that job I applied for (discussed in teleconference with Madison gang). Within 5 hours, I was offered the job. I called and said I'd think about it overnight.

12/23 - Turned down the job. Kept popping Vicodin.

12/24 - Flew to Cleveland via Chicago. Waved to Grrrrbear on the way down and back up again (turns out he was in MN). Entire flying time went something like this: OUUCH!! OUUCH!! Vicodin, vicodin, sleep, sleep, sleep. OUUCH!! OUUCH!! Vicodin, vicodin, sleep, sleep, sleep. OUUCH!! OUUCH!! Vicodin, vicodin, sleep, sleep, sleep. OUUCH!! OUUCH!! Upon landing: ache ache ache ache ache, set presents under tree, ache ache ache ache ache, try to sleep. Vicodin.

12/25 - Presents and Pain (P^2). I enjoyed the former far more than the latter. Stuff aquired: DVD player (to replace the one obtained via the rents who obtained it via some Madison study), coffee maker I can program to grind and prepare coffee for wake-up call, financial assistance for my dental work (what I wanted most ... for reals). As for food, Grams provided a typically scrumptious feast. I drugged up in order to enjoy, sortof.

The remainder of my time back home went something like this:
*- ache, ouch, pain
- Vicodin, vicodin, vicodin
- Nap, nap, nap
- ache, ouch, pain
- Advil, advil, advil
- Nap, nap, nap
- Eat
- Nap, nap, nap
- Ache, ouch, pain
- Vicodin
- Ache, ouch, pain
- Advil, advil, advil
- Eat
- Sleep
(*Repeat)

12/31 - New Year's Eve was great, if not a little wet. Jiggity and I celebrated with his buds and some Dance Dance Revolution (my man has talent!) and I continued to ache. My stitches disolved and string-like matter swam in my mouth until I scouped it out with my pinky. (TMI?)

1/1 - Aching continues. I become increasingly concerned about my mouth as my gums surrounding the pulled tooth quadruple in size. I still have a good day, passing the time with Jiggity and a board game.

1/2 - Something is definitely not right with my extraction. Gums swell to 3-4-times their original size. Worry ruings my sleep.

1/3 - Call doctor. Discuss symptoms. "Why don't you come in today." J.Po opens up. Doc says, "Wow, something's really going on in there!". Doc orders x-ray. X-ray indicates no bone-related problems. Whew. Doc writes prescription for amoxicilin and orders Listerine rinses. J.Po feels relieved that the aching may end soon.

1/4 - Gum swelling decreases by roughly 30%. Throbbing continues, but magnitude decreases.

1/5 - Gum swelling down by 75%, at least. I no longer find myself chomping on soft tissue whilst comsuming food matter. Throbbing stops. Whew.

And we arrive at today - gums totally back to normal. I experience some continued low-grade ache when I open my jaw and insert my fist, but otherwise back to normal. YAY!!! The celebrations can begin ..... uuuuhhhhh. Yea. I totally missed Christmas '06.

New Year's Resolutions

1.) Blog more.
2.) Eat a maximum of one patry per week for breakfast. Mid-morning snack does not count as breakfast.
3.) Try to save $1.50/day by making coffee at home.
4.) Buy a copy of Sufjan Stevens' Illinois or find other source.
5.) Call Spice sometime before 2007.

Tunes

Dudes. I finally gave in and purchased Bright Eye's "I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning."

PEOPLE! This album is AMAZING! I know that most of you know this already, but I thought I'd reiterate.

Also, I'm on Vicodin due to a tooth extraction yesterday. So most things seem amazing right now.

Gay Men and Sheep

Brokeback Mountain. Saw it. Gay men. Sheep. Love. Amazing scenery. Fantastic movie. Should be seen by all. Oscars? Methinks yes.

The vote is unanimous

I will be taking the 2nd interview. 1pm Monday. Wish me luck.

If you were not part of the Madison-SF conference call, this may confuse you. My apologies.

Worky

Well all, it's time for my annual job hunt. The grant I'm funded by being terminated at the end of January, which means I (and my paychecks) must go.

But don't worry, loyal readers. I'm pretty pumped to find something new. So far, I already have 2 jobs I've applied for. I'm interviewing for the first next week and there's word that I'm going to be contacted about the second. (see below for job types*)

So I need to start thinking about priorities, since I hope to land a job that I'll be in for more than 9 months (I'm in my 30's. That's what we do).

I've made a list of must-haves and can't-stands. Some of you out there will find these categories amusing for reasons beyond my analness. Here's what I have so far:

MUST-HAVES:
- a reaction of excitement when talking about the work
- a boss that understands work/life balance
- reasonable compensation and benefits
and if I must move....
- location such that I can maintain my enrollment at my ballet studio
- proximity (living or working) to my doctors' offices - I'm so tired of switching
- friends within reasonable travel distances

CAN'T STANDS:
- bosses who qualify as "crazymakers"
- excessive amount of redundant tasks
- a work place where I cannot listen to music
- being underutilized and under-challenged

The list will be developing over time.

What would go on your list?

* current jobs of interest: 1. data manager/analyst for a pediatric AIDS research group
2. epidemiologist with a psychiatric/substance abuse healthcare project

J.Po, as assembled by Manfriend (Jiggity)

In honor of this year's Holloween costume, here's what my gentleman caller cooked up!

Citrus

It's Clementime season. YAR! I bought a whole box at Whole Foods on my way into work. I've already eaten 5. No. Lie. I've had 2. But I'm on my way to 5.

In other news, I took a lunch break at the local Ross Dress for Less. While scanning the clearance dress rack, I discovered a clump of DKNY highly-pleated silk black drop-waiste dresses. Original tag price: $249. My price: $29.99. Not bad. And now I have a little black dress, as all women should.

J.Po, Spicing out!!

You all should really have other people make you South Park style. Here's Spice's rendition of me. She captures all of the crazy silliness I exude when she and I are together! ...and the fact that I now use a handbag. Also note, she put me in a stripey shirt. She's of the opinion that I wear stripes all the time. Untrue. I like that I'm exposing my midrif in this shot and that I'm wearing teeny tiny shorts.

My Manfriend

Here's the dude I'm datin'. Ain't his hair bushy?

J.Po South Park Style, made by Sophist

YAY! Sophist made me! I've been feeling edgy ever since learning about this make-yourselt-SP-style thing and realizing I can't do it on my work computer. THANKS SOPHIST! And Spice???

It seems I've missed some serious South Park character-makin fun. I just tried to catch up to speed, but I can't use the site because my computer at work has no ammenities (flash, whatever) for security reasons. So I must wait until post-work hours. Sad. Spice always has the option to e-mail me her version of J.Po, South Park Style.

You all are darn cute in cartoon form!

Rock Out

There were two music shows of interest last night in San Francisco. I attended one of them. Guess which.

Jason Mraz at the Warfield
Liz Phair at the Fillmore

Hint: I didn't get a poster after the show.

What Would JC Do?

I feel as though an explanation is in order re: Jimmy Carter. I had no idea my "I heart" comment would stimulate such concern and sadness. Not intented in the least! The reason for my hearting was an interview with him on Fresh Air yesterday where he discussed such things as "why religion doesn't belong in a science classroon" and "why preemptive war is just wrong wrong wrong". He just wrote a book. I might read it.

I still heart the very alive Jimmy Carter. (And no offense meant by the title, given that Jimmy Carter is quite the Christian man.)

I heart Jimmy Carter.

Hey now. Help me out here. What's this about a closed door session in the senate? Where does the right to a closed door session come from and what is it used for (besides stirring up news)? Are the dems quite suddenly growing a backbone?

Spooky!!!

Princess Leia came off without a hitch. Here she is (or was) on Saturday night.

Tunes'a'poppin

Yesterday marked my 4th attendance (I think...I've started to lose count) at a Bridge School Benefit Concert. For those not in the know, Neil Young assembles a (sometimes bizarre) collection of artists to play 8 hour concerts, proceeds of which go to support a school for children with severe speech and physical impairments (NY's son was a student there until recently). Although nothing will top the concert of 2001 (Pearl Jam, REM, Tracy Chapmann, Ben Harper, Neil Young, and BILLY IDOL!), this year was pretty good. Here's the line-up, with a few highlights"

Neil Young: Always opens the show with a few beloved tunes. This year, Cinnamon Girl and Candy Mountain (or Sugar Mountain...I can never remember, but I know the song).

Los Lobos: You know, LaBamba! And did the crowd ever dance! Well, not really. With 6 + hours ahead of them, most people enjoyed the fine tunes of LL while resting on the lawn.

Good Charlotte: I think this act was thrown in for the teenage crowd. But I must say, I sortof enjoyed them. Without their punk band behind them (Bridge School is an accoustic concert), they sounded quite tuneful and reminded me a bit of Nelson (those guys with long blonde hair from the 90's).

Bright Eyes: Some of you out there (J.Bro) will be envious of the fact that the Bright Eyes were in presence. I reallly really enjoyed them and I'll probably find some way to obtain their music now. As expected, the lead singer looked as though he hasn't washed or cut his hair in months. But that's part of the indie aesthetic, I suppose.

Emmylou Harris: I was really pumped to see her and so was every act on stage (she provided backup for over half the artists). I have to say, though, her music sortof lulled me to sleep.

Jerry Lee Lewis: You read it right! Mr. Great Balls of Fire was in attendance. And boy-oh-boy did he get the crowd moving. He played all the biggies (Whole lotta Shakin included) and managed to incorporate his own name into virtually every song (in a cheezy vegas sort of way). As part of his finale, he decided to "play" his piano with his bum. True. I witnessed JLL ass-tickling the ivories!

Norah Jones: Okay, I don't care what you say about her. She has an AMAZING voice and is really really beautiful. And her band is quite talented. I enjoyed her thoroughly.

Dave Matthews: I have to note here that I enjoy Dave Matthews but I DO NOT enjoy his obsessive fans. He and his talented guitar friend put on a very very good show. I'm sortof considering buying more of his stuff, since I seemed to have stopped around 1996.

Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young: DE-Lightful. Crosby's hair seemed whiter and bushier than usual, but his fantastic sense of humor remains. Nash jesticulated a lot when he sang and wore a t-shirt of Abe Lincoln (??). Stills appeared to be drunk or stoned or both. Young played his guitar with the characteristic slouch and sway. I enjoyed them. Their best tune of the night was a cover of Buffalo Springfield's For What It's Worth. They got political. No surprises there.

YIPPY!!

Scoot on, Scooter!! Indicted on 5 counts. 2 pergury, 2 false statements, and 1 obstruction of justice.

See formal document here: http://www.usdoj.gov/usao/iln/osc/documents/libby_indictment_28102005.pdf

I am virtually boiling over with excitement about tomorrow's potential indictments in the Bush admin. I may just set my alarm for 5AM so that I don't miss any news from the east coast.

I've been reading liberal political blogs like mad and I learned, among other things, that Fitzgerald was spotted in D.C. getting his shoes shined. If that's not a lead-up to indictments, I don't know what is.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

downfall??

The bush admin can't seem to do anything right these days. In fact, they seem to be doing everything wrong - and much of it is playing out on the public stage. I'm DE-LIGHTED by these recent developments. The truth is beginning to emerge. Ahhhh....

Update: Scissors

Hey now. You'll never guess what my roomie (now known as "The Best") found in the couch this morning. MY SEWING SCISSORS!! It wasn't the black hole after all, unless you consider the deep crevice between the arm and first cusion of my couch to be the black hole. Maybe it should be called that, since my roomie found my 2nd of 4 California state IDs obtained between July 2004 and November 2004.

Sew on!!

Pressure

Dude. I'm totally useless today. My head feels like it's being smashed between two Mac trucks. I finally gave in and popped some Tylonol Sinus. It has acetaminophen, which is making me feel better. But now I also feel hot an wiggly. It's a no win situation. I can't focus. I'm trying to do extremely detail-oriented work. Not possible, I say. What up, dudes.

Pleather

I spent my lunch hour buying one yard of Discount Fabrics' best black pleather. 50% off baby! And Jiggity's Han Solo "boots" will be animal-friendly.

Where is the Black Hole?!?!?!

HELP ME!! Last night, after hours of cutting yards of white fabric and pinning pieces together to create my holloween masterpiece of Princess Leia, I misplaced my beautiful and pricey sewing scissors.

Last I used them, I was trimming the seam allowances from the right flute arm. I was sitting on the couch (purchased by Spice for $25 some 7-or-so years ago). When I attempted to trim the seams from the left flute arm, I couldn't find the scissors.

I searched everwhere: the coffee table; the couch surface; inside the couch; under the couch; in the trash cans surrounding the couch; in the refrigerator (since I payed a visit to get a popsicle); in the bathroom; near the sewing machine; etc, etc, etc. THEY'RE GONE! The black hole has, quite officially, sucked them up.

So how the hell do I find the black hole?

Survey!

In honor of the US Postal Service recent release of Muppet/Jim Henson stamps, it's time for a muppet-related survey! Here we go...

1.) Who is your favorite muppet or set of muppets?

2.) Which muppet most closely embodies your personality?

3.) If you were to put on your own muppet show, what act would you put first on the bill?

4.) If the muppet show were still running (don't I wish!), what famous person/people would you most like to see host the show?

5.) If you were throwing a dinner party to which you could invite two muppets, who would they be?

Note: Sesame Street characters are considered muppets in my survey!

away from bloggy

Yo dedicated readers. There was no posting over the last several days cause I was in Big Sur with Jiggity et al. Stories to come later, including the best kick-ass recipe for s'mores. There will be no posting over the next several days since I'll be in the MW (that's Mid-West) for my sistah's nuptials. The color of the hour will be wine and I'll be wearing yards and yards of it. Stories forthcoming.

Rock on, blogring.

Ding Ding! Anyone home?

moosik

What tunes are getting YOU through YOUR day?

Me?

Bob Dylan - No Direction Home (not purchased at Charbucks)

Pete Yorn - Music For the Morning After

Remy Zero - The Golden Hum

Whale Cake and Sea Jello

So I posted a week or two ago about the visit from The One Who Studies Whales. She arrived on her b-day (her 30th, no less) and I threw her a party suited to a 7-year-old. Go figure. A good amount of her family was in town for a wedding, so the rents and her brother were in attendance. And LL and BK were there too. Fun was had by all. All I can say is, "Hairy Whale Lips."

Here's the whale cake (front shot, side, and a-flame):

















And then there's the jell-o mold. It looked all fine and tasty ... until we dove into it. Turns out that candy fish dissolve into mush when surrounded by hot gelatin. Hence the brown sludge.

The Law Won

This is gonna be brief, cause Stata and some big-time analysis are calling my name. But to sum ...

Saturday night the public health gals had a sleepover party, where things such as watching Dirty Dancing (old school, not Havana Nights) and reading trashy magazines occurred.

What else happened, you ask? At 1am, R.Ko noticed a human-shaped shadow pacing outside her front window. Turns out he was a peeping Tom (for reals). MW had the wherewithall to call 9-1-1 and the po-po caught the guy about 3 minutes later. Turns out he'd been causing probs in the neighborhood all night with activities including hanging out on someone's roof. And R.Ko and MW had to submit a citizen's arrest (did you know this actually happens??) so they could take the guy to jail. Turns out the police woman who handled the peeper also questioned me and Sophist after our mugging. Seems she gets all the exciting business!

I should also note here that, among other things, the police report includes a statement that reads something like this: "Eight women in their late-20's were watching Heathers at 1am when R.Ko spotted a prowler."

With the survival of this icon, I have hope.

California has an inordinate number of lazy service workers. I had a bad experience this morning with a David's Bridal worker south of the city. I had to tell her what to do to figure out if my bridesmaid dress for my sis' wedding arrived at the store. She said it wouldn't be there if I ordered it only a month ago. I asked that she look up my name. Turns out it's been there for a week. Grrr.

Positive, positive, positive!

So many wonderful things happened over the last several days. It's high time I post.

(1) I GOT NEW GLASSES! I can finally SEE! ...without contacts, which have been bugging me ever since I got some allergic reaction to protein deposits on my lenses. Crowds of bumps on my upper right lid. Eeeewwww. Anyway, with new glasses, I can give my puss-y right eye a break from direct interaction with silicone. I should add that my new glasses are classy! Kate Spade lenses. Slightly nerdy - to go along with my True Nerd status - and cute cute cute!

(2) UPS actually dropped off my package of contacts without my signature. This means that I don't have to drag my ass on 3 forms of public transportation to get to the UPS pickup office in Richmond, CA. This is very very good. Very good. Ever since my mugging, traveling to places like south Oakland and Richmond is not high on my list of desirable activities.

(3) I FOUND MY CHECKBOOK before closing my checking account. The book simply fell behind my clothes hamper - a deep abyss of over-shot socks and t-shirts. I don't think I need to go into the details of why this is wonderful.

(4) I had the best steak dinner EVER on Saturday night - in the first of what will likely become a monthly outing - with Jiggity - to a really delightful restaurant. I can't even find the words to describe the yumminess I experienced.

(5) I finally finished the b-day gift I made for MW. She will like it, methinks.

(6) I spent a few delightful days with the one who studies whales. Part of the hanging included a b-day party for her at my house. I baked a cake and carved it into the shape of a whale. Pictures to be posted soon.

YAR!!

Shame

Given my last post admitting my secret love of Oprah, I thought I'd assemble a list of things I secretly like but rarely admit to liking....

- The Oprah Whinfrey Show
- musical theater
- fruit roll-ups
- whipped cream, straight from the aerosol can
- Three's Company
- Peter, Paul and Mary music
- People Magazine
- pie filling in a can
- snowballs (those coconut-covered cakey cream delights)
- Cleveland, Ohio
- children's shampoo
- jazzercise
- E! Entertainment Television
- MC Hammer pants

And you?

Why?

Why at a time of national disaster am I turning to Oprah for hope? I just spent the last hour flipping around her site and reading about the 'Angel Network' that's been mobilized to help victims and report on the squalor. I also signed up for Google alerts regarding "Oprah Katrina".

I often pretend that I find Oprah rediculous. But secretly, I think she's great. She has a way of using much of her extensive power for good. And she can actually understand what it means to be poor and black in the south.

On another note, Sean Penn is great too - taking his boat into nasty-ass waters to rescue who he could from the floods. If Sean Penn was capable of getting himself to the center of the mess, how is it that the US military took such a damn long time. Oh yea. Their ranks are thin because most are fighting an oil war and they answer to someone who doesn't give a damn about the impoverished. Right.

Soon I will write about positive things again....like the cake I baked for the one who studies whales this weekend, which happened to come in the shape of a whale.

The Stuff You Don't Normally Read, From a Public Health Listserve

Hurricane Katrina-Our Experiences

Larry Bradshaw, Lorrie Beth Slonsky

Two days after Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans, the Walgreen's
store at the corner of Royal and Iberville streets remained locked. The
dairy display case was clearly visible through the widows. It was now 48
hours without electricity, running water, plumbing. The milk, yogurt,
and cheeses were beginning to spoil in the 90-degree heat. The owners
and managers had locked up the food, water, pampers, and prescriptions
and fled the City. Outside Walgreen's windows, residents and tourists
grew increasingly thirsty and hungry.

The much-promised federal, state and local aid never materialized and
the windows at Walgreen's gave way to the looters. There was an
alternative. The cops could have broken one small window and distributed
the nuts, fruit juices, and bottle water in an organized and systematic
manner. But they did not. Instead they spent hours playing cat and
mouse, temporarily chasing away the looters.

We were finally airlifted out of New Orleans two days ago and arrived
home yesterday (Saturday). We have yet to see any of the TV coverage or
look at a newspaper. We are willing to guess that there were no video
images or front-page pictures of European or affluent white tourists
looting the Walgreen's in the French Quarter.

We also suspect the media will have been inundated with "hero" images of
the National Guard, the troops and the police struggling to help the
"victims" of the Hurricane. What you will not see, but what we
witnessed,were the real heroes and sheroes of the hurricane relief
effort: the working class of New Orleans. The maintenance workers who
used a fork lift to carry the sick and disabled. The engineers, who
rigged, nurtured and kept the generators running. The electricians who
improvised thick extension cords stretching over blocks to share the
little electricity we had in order to free cars stuck on rooftop parking
lots. Nurses who took over for mechanical ventilators and spent many
hours on end manually forcing air into the lungs of unconscious patients
to keep them alive. Doormen who rescued folks stuck in elevators.
Refinery workers who broke into boat yards, "stealing" boats to rescue
their neighbors clinging to their roofs in flood waters. Mechanics who
helped hot-wire any car that could be found to ferry people out of the
City. And the food service workers who scoured the commercial kitchens
improvising communal meals for hundreds of those stranded.
Most of these workers had lost their homes, and had not heard from
members of their families, yet they stayed and provided the only
infrastructure for the 20% of New Orleans that was not under water.
On Day 2, there were approximately 500 of us left in the hotels in the
French Quarter. We were a mix of foreign tourists, conference attendees
like ourselves, and locals who had checked into hotels for safety and
shelter from Katrina. Some of us had cell phone contact with family and
friends outside of New Orleans. We were repeatedly told that all sorts
of resources including the National Guard and scores of buses were
pouring in to the City. The buses and the other resources must have been
invisible because none of us had seen them.

We decided we had to save ourselves. So we pooled our money and came up
with $25,000 to have ten buses come and take us out of the City. Those
who did not have the requisite $45.00 for a ticket were subsidized by
those who did have extra money. We waited for 48 hours for the buses,
spending the last 12 hours standing outside, sharing the limited water,
food, and clothes we had. We created a priority boarding area for the
sick, elderly and new born babies. We waited late into the night for the
"imminent" arrival of the buses. The buses never arrived. We later
learned that the minute the arrived to the City limits, they were
commandeered by the military.

By day 4 our hotels had run out of fuel and water. Sanitation was
dangerously abysmal. As the desperation and despair increased, street
crime as well as water levels began to rise. The hotels turned us out
and locked their doors, telling us that the "officials" told us to
report to the convention center to wait for more buses. As we entered
the center of the City, we finally encountered the National Guard. The
Guards told us we would not be allowed into the Superdome as the City's
primary shelter had descended into a humanitarian and health hellhole.
The guards further told us that the City's only other shelter, the
Convention Center, was also descending into chaos and squalor and that
the police were not allowing anyone else in. Quite naturally, we asked,
"If we can't go to the only 2 shelters in the City, what was our
alternative?" The guards told us that that was our problem, and no they
did not have extra water to give to us. This would be the start of our
numerous encounters with callous and hostile "law enforcement".
We walked to the police command center at Harrah's on Canal Street and
were told the same thing, that we were on our own, and no they did not
have water to give us. We now numbered several hundred. We held a mass
meeting to decide a course of action. We agreed to camp outside the
police command post. We would be plainly visible to the media and would
constitute a highly visible embarrassment to the City officials. The
police told us that we could not stay. Regardless, we began to settle in
and set up camp. In short order, the police commander came across the
street to address our group. He told us he had a solution: we should
walk to the Pontchartrain Expressway and cross the greater New Orleans
Bridge where the police had buses lined up to take us out of the City.
The crowed cheered and began to move. We called everyone back and
explained to the commander that there had been lots of misinformation
and wrong information and was he sure that there were buses waiting for
us. The commander turned to the crowd and stated emphatically, "I swear
to you that the buses are there."

We organized ourselves and the 200 of us set off for the bridge with
great excitement and hope. As we marched pasted the convention center,
many locals saw our determined and optimistic group and asked where we
were headed. We told them about the great news. Families immediately
grabbed their few belongings and quickly our numbers doubled and then
doubled again. Babies in strollers now joined us, people using crutches,
elderly clasping walkers and others people in wheelchairs. We marched
the 2-3 miles to the freeway and up the steep incline to the Bridge. It
now began to pour down rain, but it did not dampen our enthusiasm.
As we approached the bridge, armed Gretna sheriffs formed a line across
the foot of the bridge. Before we were close enough to speak, they began
firing their weapons over our heads. This sent the crowd fleeing in
various directions. As the crowd scattered and dissipated, a few of us
inched forward and managed to engage some of the sheriffs in
conversation. We told them of our conversation with the police commander
and of the commander's assurances. The sheriffs informed us there were
no buses waiting. The commander had lied to us to get us to move.
We questioned why we couldn't cross the bridge anyway, especially as
there was little traffic on the 6-lane highway. They responded that the
West Bank was not going to become New Orleans and there would be no
Superdomes in their City. These were code words for if you are poor and
black, you are not crossing the Mississippi River and you were not
getting out of New Orleans.

Our small group retreated back down Highway 90 to seek shelter from the
rain under an overpass. We debated our options and in the end decided to
build an encampment in the middle of the Ponchartrain Expressway on the
center divide, between the O'Keefe and Tchoupitoulas exits. We reasoned
we would be visible to everyone, we would have some security being on an
elevated freeway and we could wait and watch for the arrival of the yet
to be seen buses.

All day long, we saw other families, individuals and groups make the
same trip up the incline in an attempt to cross the bridge, only to be
turned away. Some chased away with gunfire, others simply told no,
others to be verbally berated and humiliated. Thousands of New Orleaners
were prevented and prohibited from self-evacuating the City on foot.
Meanwhile, the only two City shelters sank further into squalor and
disrepair. The only way across the bridge was by vehicle. We saw workers
stealing trucks, buses, moving vans, semi-trucks and any car that could
be hotwired. All were packed with people trying to escape the misery New
Orleans had become.

Our little encampment began to blossom. Someone stole a water delivery
truck and brought it up to us. Let's hear it for looting! A mile or so
down the freeway, an army truck lost a couple of pallets of C-rations on
a tight turn. We ferried the food back to our camp in shopping carts.
Now secure with the two necessities, food and water; cooperation,
community, and creativity flowered. We organized a clean up and hung
garbage bags from the rebar poles. We made beds from wood pallets and
cardboard. We designated a storm drain as the bathroom and the kids
built an elaborate enclosure for privacy out of plastic, broken
umbrellas, and other scraps. We even organized a food recycling system
where individuals could swap out parts of C-rations (applesauce for
babies and candies for kids!).

This was a process we saw repeatedly in the aftermath of Katrina. When
individuals had to fight to find food or water, it meant looking out for
yourself only. You had to do whatever it took to find water for your
kids or food for your parents. When these basic needs were met, people
began to look out for each other, working together and constructing a
community.

If the relief organizations had saturated the City with food and water
in the first 2 or 3 days, the desperation, the frustration and the
ugliness would not have set in.

Flush with the necessities, we offered food and water to passing
families and individuals. Many decided to stay and join us. Our
encampment grew to 80 or 90 people.

From a woman with a battery powered radio we learned that the media was
talking about us. Up in full view on the freeway, every relief and news
organizations saw us on their way into the City. Officials were being
asked what they were going to do about all those families living up on
the freeway? The officials responded they were going to take care of us.
Some of us got a sinking feeling. "Taking care of us" had an ominous
tone to it.

Unfortunately, our sinking feeling (along with the sinking City) was
correct. Just as dusk set in, a Gretna Sheriff showed up, jumped out of
his patrol vehicle, aimed his gun at our faces, screaming, "Get off the
fucking freeway". A helicopter arrived and used the wind from its blades
to blow away our flimsy structures. As we retreated, the sheriff loaded
up his truck with our food and water.

Once again, at gunpoint, we were forced off the freeway. All the law
enforcement agencies appeared threatened when we congregated or
congealed into groups of 20 or more. In every congregation of "victims"
they saw "mob" or "riot". We felt safety in numbers. Our "we must stay
together" was impossible because the agencies would force us into small
atomized groups.

In the pandemonium of having our camp raided and destroyed, we scattered
once again. Reduced to a small group of 8 people, in the dark, we sought
refuge in an abandoned school bus, under the freeway on Cilo Street. We
were hiding from possible criminal elements but equally and definitely,
we were hiding from the police and sheriffs with their martial law,
curfew and shoot-to-kill policies.

The next days, our group of 8 walked most of the day, made contact with
New Orleans Fire Department and were eventually airlifted out by an
urban search and rescue team. We were dropped off near the airport and
managed to catch a ride with the National Guard. The two young guardsmen
apologized for the limited response of the Louisiana guards. They
explained that a large section of their unit was in Iraq and that meant
they were shorthanded and were unable to complete all the tasks they
were assigned.

We arrived at the airport on the day a massive airlift had begun. The
airport had become another Superdome. We 8 were caught in a press of
humanity as flights were delayed for several hours while George Bush
landed briefly at the airport for a photo op. After being evacuated on a
coast guard cargo plane, we arrived in San Antonio, Texas.
There the humiliation and dehumanization of the official relief effort
continued. We were placed on buses and driven to a large field where we
were forced to sit for hours and hours. Some of the buses did not have
air-conditioners. In the dark, hundreds if us were forced to share two
filthy overflowing porta-potties. Those who managed to make it out with
any possessions (often a few belongings in tattered plastic bags) we
were subjected to two different dog-sniffing searches.
Most of us had not eaten all day because our C-rations had been
confiscated at the airport because the rations set off the metal
detectors. Yet, no food had been provided to the men, women, children,
elderly, disabled as they sat for hours waiting to be "medically
screened" to make sure we were not carrying any communicable diseases.
This official treatment was in sharp contrast to the warm, heart-felt
reception given to us by the ordinary Texans. We saw one airline worker
give her shoes to someone who was barefoot. Strangers on the street
offered us money and toiletries with words of welcome. Throughout, the
official relief effort was callous, inept, and racist. There was more
suffering than need be. Lives were lost that did not need to be lost.

Really Astounding.

This was quickly pulled by the Assoicated Press after someone realized this may reveal the fact that racism still exists in this country. I am horrified.

Whitey?

These are the first white people affected by Katrian that I've seen in the news in DAYS. And look who's hugging that woman.

My question: afraid to hug black people, are ya?

Kat

I've been reading and reading and reading about Katrina, spending most of my day horrified by the terrible living conditions of those stranded in the Gulf region. Most of those people I see on TV and in the papers are poor and black; and, given the class/race makeup of the sufferers, it doesn't surprise me that the administration didn't send out an immediate and overwhelming response to attack the problem before it turned into mass anger, violence, and anarchy. On a side note, I can almost understand the "thugs" taking over the city (despite the fact that it's pissing me off to hear that this minority is slowing/halting rescue and relief efforts). If I didn't have food or water for 2-3 days and I had no idea when help would come, I'd probably pick up a gun too. Hunger and thirst can drive a person mad. Mad I say.

I read a book a while back entitled Blindness by Jose Saramago. Althought it was about an epidemic of blindness as opposed to a natural catastrophe, the situations he describes sound an awful lot like what's occurring in the Gulf states. And I thought something like that would never happen in the U.S. of fucking-richest-country-in-the-world A.

Ahhh .... so lovely!

Since TOWWAS is having bad reactions to the zubas, I'm posting a pic that's more pleasing to the eye. This was taken last week on my walk back from a tasty French toast brunch.

Better Act Fast

You can get yourself these 80's throwback zubaz for $3.99 on eBay, but only for 8 more days.

Weekend Report

It was a weekend o' fun for me and Jiggity. We decided to take a mini-vacation, which included camping at Fremont Peak State Park and a trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

I should note here that I hadn't been to the aquarium since I was 13 years old, when my whole family took a trip to California to coincide with a conference my dad was attending. Mind you, at the time I thought that all Californian's spent most waking hours wearing bathing suits and shopping at outdoor malls, activities I planned to take full part in when we lifted off the ground in Cleveland. Little did I know that "California" comes in many varieties, one of which is the foggy coast and chilly climates of San Francisco and surrounding areas. Needless to say, beach bumming was not a focal point of our jaunt in 1989. We did more "mental building" activities, including our trip to the aquarium. Being 13, I refused to have a good time at the aquarium and spent the entire afternoon pouting on benches near the exhibits. With my return visit at the age of almost-30, I marveled at the fact that I had such a horrible time at 13. The aquarium KICKS ASS!

Back to the weekend, with some highlights:

1.) Climbing up the "peak" that is Fremont Peak - Jiggity and I had a lovely hike after pitching our tent. We followed the Fremont Peak Trail, which led us along several switchbacks to the highest point in the surrounding area, allowing us to view the coast of Monterey as well as (supposedly) part of the Sierras. Lovely. The trip included a pass by the Channel 8 tower and some minor wildlife sitings (grasshoppers and lizards). Here's our view from the top:

2.) The sunset and the sly devil of a thief - After eating a delightful dinner of ham and cheese sandwiches, salad, and backed cheetos, Jiggity and I decided to check out the sunset from a clearning near our campsite. Little did we know we left the makings for S'mores on the picnic table ... or maybe we just figured it wouldn't be a problem. In any case, by the time we returned, the plastic bag containing the goods was on the ground, with unopened fruit cups scattered into the brush. The entire bag of (unopened) marshmallows had disappeared, apparently providing a very sugary dinner for some very happy animals. I blame the fox who visited our site during dinner. He sure was giving us a beady-eyed glance. The loss of marshmallows was worth this, however:


















3.) THE AQUARIUM!!! - Dude, the Monterey Bay Aquarium is WAY cool. I don't know that I needed to tell you that, but I was astounded by how much friggin' fun I had learning about life at sea. My absolute favorite exhibit was the otter tank. We were lucky enough to catch a feeding, which rocked my world. There were many other wonderful sites as well, some of which were captured on film...


OTTER ON FILM! Check out her bone! She LOVES playing with that thing!











And here we have some jellies! There are TONS of jellies at the aquarium. You wouldn't think that jellies are so exciting, but the are! Believe me!














And the excitement doesn't end there! Here's a view of the kelp forest, with a really rockin' school of fishies (probably sardines):
















4.) If in doubt, fry it - And finally, I'd like to share with you a shot of the best meal I had this weekend - Fish'n'Chips. That's battered and deep-fried Mahi Mahi, folks. Yummerific!
















Well folks, I hope you've enjoyed a tour through my Crazy Weekend of Fun. By now, I'm sure you're wondering what Jiggity looks like, since it's beginning to appear that I like him quite a darn bit. Well here you go ... a final shot of us doing the robot (I call this shot Robots in Disguise).

Words, 2005 Style

If this hasn't arrived via mass e-mail yet, it probably will soon. But I thought I'd post anyway. My faves highlighted in orange. HA!

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing of one letter, and supply a new definition. Some of these will put you on the floor!

Here are this year's (2005) winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money in the first place.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6 . Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte': To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

California centric? Yes. But funny? YES!!

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we'vedecided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we'retaking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation,and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard and Princeton. You get University of Texas.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. Youget Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red statespay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get abunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They havekids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for nopurpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, andhope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend ourresources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy League and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected healthcare costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, RushLimbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University ofGeorgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we'rediscussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,
Author Unknown in New California

Transformers, More than Meets the Eye

There was an explosion in downtown San Francisco this morning, getting everyone all concerned about potential terrorist actions. Turns out it was simply a burst transformer, of the electrical system variety. My coworker and I immediately thought of cars turining into robots and sang the words on the title line. Man, do I ever miss the 80s!

Some People Are Totally Ef'd!

There's this guy (presumably a male, anyway) who went to a duck pond behind a carwash sometime over the last few weeks and rounded up all the ducks and ducklings, placed them in front of his car, and preceeded to run over them - back and forth and back again. INNOCENT DUCKIES! I can't get over this story. It's so heinous it's hard to believe it's true. As*hole!

Read about it here: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/08/19/BAreward19.DTL

bodies, dripping

CRAZINESS

Between the first human case of West Nile virus in the city and a local art museam displaying an exhibit of dead bodies, things are pretty hectic in the office as of late. Ah, the excitement that is the public's health! Never ends, really.

Playing Dress-up

How many men in drag did YOU see on YOUR lunch break?

I thought so!

Happy Post!

Now I'M getting depressed about my latest postings. So I'm going to pick up spirits and blog about a safe and happy topic - haircuts.

I'm getting one. Over lunch. At the Internat'l Acad. for Precision Haircutting. Your read it correctly. I'm going to have the most precise haircut possible. And it will come at the low cost of $21. YAR!!

Full reports coming soon.

LIFE IS GRAND!

for J.Bro

We're All Dying One Minute at a Time

Many products on store shelves escape the watchful eyes of the FDA - including many cosmetics and nutritional supplements. So watch your backs, people. And check out this site to see how your everyday shampoos, toothpastes, moisturizers, etc. fair in terms of toxicity:

http://www.ewg.org/reports/skindeep/browse_products.php

BARGAINOMANIA!!

I recently discovered that there is a Nordstrom Rack near my workplace - a 10 minute walk. Dangerous. Very dangerous.

Yesterday, after an extremely productive morning, I decided to pay a visit. This was a very very wise choice because the visit resulted in one of my BEST BARGAINS YET!!! I found a designer skirt - Italian, something so expensive I didn't even recognize the label. The original price of the skirt was (brace yourselves) $395.

Who the hell would pay that much for a damn skirt. Even Wynona Rider has to steal things that cost that much.

In any case, I didn't pay nearly that much. In fact, I paid a total of $13 + tax. Not bad, eh? I scored a savings of 99.97%. I couldn't even buy a skirt at Old Navy for that amount.

ROCK (and bargain shop) ON!

Glam Rock Baby!

Is this a still shot from an 80's music video ... or is it a digital shot of A.Vo sporting my gifty? You decide.

I'm surprisingly sad about Peter Jennings' death. Growing up, his voice was a permanent fixture in the background of my family's dinners. And I always respected his ability to recognize "the other side" of the story and question the actions of the government. The NYT brief about his life almost brought me to tears - especially the last few paragraphs.

Scabs

Another lunchtime adventure:

On my way back to the office after a delightful lunch with a friend, I saw a man who appeared to be completely clothed. Then he turned around. His butt was completely exposed and covered in open wounds and scabs.

Pull up your pants, man. Or are the scabs too painful?

bell E

Is it possible to feel graceful and elegant while doing ballet with a bloated, gassy stomach?

I'll report back tomorrow.

Gorilla Costumes are Always Funny

Clouding our Memories

The Bush Admin is kicking up a lot of dust with the John Roberts nomination and the senate recess appointment of the UN ambassador. Methinks they're attempting to obscure the bad behavior on the part of Karl Rove. Damn them.

Not Odd in the Least

On my walk from public transportation to my office this morning, I saw a man in a gorilla costume (or perhaps an actual gorilla) wearing a double breasted suit and carting a brief case on wheels. This did not phase me at all. Have I lived in/near this city for too long?

What's Your Name?

Dude. Youse gatsa visit this site. But watch the clock. You may stay there for a while.

http://www.babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/lnv0105.html

Severed Cable

12:45pm Wednesday July 27, 2005

The internet has been down at work for a day and a half. I am composing this post in a word document, to be pasted into blogger’s window whenever the system is back in working order. I am discovering a few key things with this sudden removal of web access. I enumerate a subset of my findings:

1.) I use the internet A LOT. Like, really. A LOT. I click the refresh icon on my yahoo mail account at least once every half hour, when not engaging in work-related or social (gasp!) interactions at the office. The internet is like a drug for me – a means of catching my breath, meditating, taking a break from the hard work that is thinking. I look up everything that comes to mind: how IS beggar actually spelled?; where can I find a Team Zissou-esque red knit cap?; what time do I have to leave the local BART station in order to get to the CalTrain on time?; what number do I call to request refills on my prescriptions?. Without the internet, I’m a fish out of water.

2.) I actually use the internet for reasons other than personal ones. Like today – I really need to look at a map of the MUNI transportation system because I’m assisting on a project on transportation and health in a particular section of the city. Can I access a paper copy? Not so easily, seeing as how the bus system keeps the location of map purveyors completely on the D.L. (Spice?). The MUNI web site has a very convenient PDF document of the entire bus system. I can even zoom in on locations of particular interests. But can I access this document. NO! THE INTERNET IS DOWN!!

3.) The only – or primary – way I interact with friends and family is through the internet. I owe several people a note. Like, for example, our very own Spice, who left me a phone message the other day. I need to tell her I plan to give her a call soon. This would be SO easy over e-mail – just type a quickie between tasks. But I cannot. For all I know, she thinks I’m ignoring her (unlikely). I also owe an e-mail to my mom who hasn’t heard from me in a while. She assumes it’s because of all the time I’m spending with Jiggity (an accurate assumption), but it would be nice to let her know I’m doing fine.

4.) I have become frighteningly dependent on my daily tour through the blogring. Like, right now I really really want to know more about Japanese toilets from Sophist, how many movie extras Spice interacted with this morning, what athletic gear J.Bro purchased over the internet, Grrbear’s recent activities with the GF, and how many more reasons TOWWAS has come up with to not blog. But I am without this information for now. I am faced with the reality that the blogring serves as a replacement for my non-existent social network during my time spent at the office. Someone should do a sociological study on blogging, by the way. I’ve definitely noticed that everyone in the office is interacting more with one another today. Weird.

What the hell did people do at work before the internet? They probably did work. Or chatted about Taxi over the water cooler.

It’s now 4:15pm. We still don’t have internet access. I don’t know how to handle this situation!!!

QUIZ!!

In honor of not blogging much lately, I'm going to get fired up with a QUIZ QUIZ QUIZ!!!

1.) What are you listening to right now?
2.) What do you wish you were listening to right now?
3.) How many forms of public transportation did you take over the weekend?
4.) What's the most creative thing you've done over the last 3 days?
5.) Coffee, tea, or cocoa?
6.) If you were given the time and money to travel anywhere right now, where would you go?
7.) What current event/topic most concerns you right now?
8.) What current event/topic most entertains you right now?
9.) What was the best meal you had over the weekend?
10.) What's the worst movie you've seen lately?


My answers:

1.) Talk of the Nation, NPR, streaming on Windows Media Player
2.) A live performance by Patty Griffin
3.) 2 (BART and CalTrain)
4.) Tie-dyed 3 items of clothing (one shirt, one exercise bra, one pair of tights) at Jiggity's friends' tie-dye party (his friends are crafty!).
5.) Coffee
6.) Somewhere warm and breezy with a sandy beaches and clean, temperate water (perhaps Palau)
7.) The international opinion of the United States and the mess that is the war in Iraq
8.) Brad and Jen and Angelina
9.) Omelet with Jack and Cheddar cheeses, spinach, and spicey sausage with a side of black beans and mild salsa at a Cuban hole-in-the-wall in SoMa (with the one who was recently wed).
10.) Forgotten, with Julianne Moore. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. But so bad it was good. The best bad part? When people go sucked into the sky when they figured out the answer to the abductions. HI-LARIOUS.

Pan Handling: update style

Today at lunch, I walked in the opposite direction to find some eats. I was asked for money only twice, and both individuals were incredibly nice. The difference? I walked through Hayes Valley instead of the Tenderloin. Those HV beggars are just as classy as the residents. I may just give a quarter or two next time. AND I'm going to make a habbit of heading west at noontime.

$

I was outside of my office in San Francisco for roughly 20 minutes today and how many times was I asked for money? AT LEAST 10.

When I first moved to this city, I thought a lot about the homeless and the difficulty of their lives and I felt pretty damn crappy/guilty every time I had to turn down a begger. Now I just get pissed.

Some of these money-seekers are pretty ferocious. Today, one guy DEFINITELY invaded my personal space, following me with his outstretched hand despite my pretending not to notice him and keeping a speedy pace to maintain distance. Grrrrr.

Have I become insensitive to the plight of the homeless? Or have I simply had enough of being asked for money (probably because I'm a young, sympathetic looking woman)? Now and again, I explain to the people requesting funds that I am asked at least 7 times a day for money and if I gave in to every plea, I'd be broke. They don't tend to like my argument - especially the ones who talk to themselves (roughly 50%).

blugh

Ah the blogging. Sometimes I go through phases when I just don't feel like telling stories. Or maybe it's that I don't really have any stories to tell. Hard to say. But I promise I'll get back in the groove soon. I have an upcoming 4-day weekend with Jiggity and his friends on a house boat near Mt. Shasta, after all.

Playdough Barber Shop

Some of you may know that my favorite past time for coffee break madness is surfing around overstocks.com. It's like bargain shopping available to me 24-7! See the chain mail post if you doubt my love of the O.

Seldom do I actually purchase products from said site, but two weeks ago I couldn't pass up a hand crank pasta machine for $19.99 (retail ~$60). I bought one for Asswipe as a Christmas gift one year and I've been kicking myself for not sneaking it out of his garbage bag of kitchen crap when we moved out of 1429.

In any case, I now have my own machine and used it for the very first time on Saturday to make the linguini to go with these things: garlic, fresh basil, garlic, pan-seared scallops, olive oil, garlic, diced tomatoes, asparagus bits, garlic, ginger, and garlic. I have one word for you - YUM!!! Once you've eaten homemade pasta, you'll never go back to the 99 cent cardboard box variety. And once you've purchased fresh scallops from the "bowl," you'll never go back to the frozen plastic bag variety. Them was good eats. Plus, I didn't dine alone (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Ewegene was there. And that other guy.

Snackie Fude

In order to stave off hunger until after my 7:30-8:30pm ballet class tonight, I just scarfed a Trail Mix Balance Bar (i.e. - candy bar with crushed vitamins mixed in) and a cherry fruit roll-up. Good choice or bad choice? And what would Lance do (WWLD)?

Me in Pain

Dude. Tuesday I had my first "Adult Beginner" ballet class after a 2-week hiatus between spring and summer session. I never would have guessed I'd make it out of "New Adult Beginner," but after 4 months I pranced my way right into the next level. I gatta tell you, though, my body HURTS today. AB is a significant step up from NAB. They don't let us get away with saggy butts and loose abs anymore. From now on, it's all about the core. If I don't move down 4 underpant sizes by the end of the summer, I'm asking for my money back.

I
HAVE
NOT
BLOGGED
IN
A
WHILE

Fun On the Horizon

My blogging has been minimal this week. I attribute this to two things: (1) work has picked up and is getting somewhat interesting, and (2) time with Jiggity is actually - believe it or not folks - more exciting than blogging. But I'm going to close out the pre-3-day-weekend day at work with a post forcasting the coming days. Hold on tight, folks.

In roughly 30 minutes I'm busting out of this god forsaken florescent-lit cage and going to the wide open space of the North Bay. E.Ha recently moved there from Davis and I'm going to check out the digs, go to see some movies, sip Mai Tai's by the pool, etc etc. The best part of all? I get to take the Golden Gate Transit 'cross the bridge (guess which one) and all the way to Santa Rosa. I love public transportation. I won't get into the details of how much I love it just yet. I will reserve that for another blog.

I'll be at E.Ha's pad for 2 nights after which I will return to my place, do some laundry, and pack for a trip to MV to hang with Jiggity. Seems I'll be celebrating America's independence with him ... and his friends. Yes. You read it right. I am officially attending a "friend-meeting". Is this a big step? Should I be nervous? What does this mean? Blahdy-blahdy-blah. In truth, I'm pretty pumped. His friends sound delightful and I hope to learn more about this Jiggity character by watching him be around his friends and introduce me to his friends and ... you know. Anyhoo, next week I'll have a full report. Perhaps some pictures of barbequed food will be involved.

God bless America! Especially this year - now that we have the chance to outlaw abortion and reinstate segregation in the schools and all of the other wonderful things that may come of the new Supreme Court justice.

Off to the bus.......

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sandra Day O'Conner is retiring. CRAPPOLLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!